Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
