Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
