I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
