Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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