STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
