I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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