your thong is hanging out like whoa
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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