You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
