Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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