went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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