Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
