I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I want to be your penis for a week.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize