She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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