You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
