I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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