if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
