No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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