i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
