I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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