I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
