you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize