are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
