Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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