in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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