Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
