i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i dont even know how to be here
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
