it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
