yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
