We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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