So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize