Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
