Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
