I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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