My hand turned me down
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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