the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
