Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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