if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
