He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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