When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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