she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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