he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
