butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
