i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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