Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
