If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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