Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
home. puking in laundry basket.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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