Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
