Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
