she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
