Where is the hickey?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize