The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
