we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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