apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
