Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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