hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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