Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
