Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
