matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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