I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
