I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
