can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize