I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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