im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
