Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
