no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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