That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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