you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
