I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
