I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
