I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
