the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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